Oh, hello Jochum Jocks. Jochum Meatheads. Jochum Bros. Just kidding, I could never stereotype ya’ll like that right off the bat. I’m simply preparing you for what is to come, because when you read this, you might feel slightly attacked. I want to make it very clear that this blog post is not directed at all men, and honestly—more than likely—is not directed at Jochum readers. *winky face* Any brownie points yet?
The ‘Top 10 Things Guys Need to Stop Doing in the Gym’ is directed at the innumerable men I have carefully (not creepily) observed throughout my career as an active gym goer. These males were mostly observed in big box gyms like Lifetime and LA Fitness, but this is not to say these behaviors are completely absent from fitness boutiques. Truth be told, I feel like I really have seen it all.
In addition, I received feedback from about 1,000 participants via instagram (shameless plug for my instagram...sauce me a follow at @urfitnesswitness). Below, you’ll find the 10 most common responses I received from my brutally honest instagram followers. I asked, “What do men need to stop doing in the gym?” Let’s make it clear—I had responses from both men and women alike. So even if you think you’re pleasing everyone at the gym, you may as well take a peek at the list below to make sure you’re following the social expectations of your peers, and ensure you’re not acting like a privileged, overconfident jackass. HA. So… HERE WE GO!
1 OBNOXIOUS GRUNTING
A man has picked up something heavy and he wants everyone in the gym to know about it. Cue the “obnoxious grunt.” I want to make this as clear as possible—multiple loud and drawn out grunts are not necessary. It’s understandable that when someone exerts energy an audible puff of air may slip out of someone’s mouth during the peak of his or her lift, but if you’re grunting louder than the ambient noise around you, you’re probably grunting too loud. Like dude... you’re hammer curling 25 lbs, chill out. #STOP OBNOXIOUS GRUNTING 2020.
Most women view these obnoxious grunts as a male desperately trying to prove his
dominance and masculinity. All I’m saying is that if you need to feed your masculine ego that badly, I will assume you’re lacking in “other areas.” We all know your secret. Am I exaggerating? Probably. But if it stops men from grunting, I say it’s factual. Grunting = small willy. LOL WOW I AM SORRY I STARTED OUT WITH THIS ONE.
2 Wearing non-functional clothes to be “fashionable” or sexy
We have all seen the flannels and timbs. Need I say more? Just please do not be this guy.
Everyone hates you. Below are few more fashion mistakes:
o Shorts that are 3 sizes too small
o HUGE basketball shorts that hang to your shins
o Meggings (man leggings..wearing compressions with no shorts.. Or underwear. AHHH)
o Sweat stained gym attire
o Nip Slip tanks (just take your shirt off, honestly)
3. Considering talking to, hitting on, or staring at ANY Female
This is a given, but why do I see this continue to happen?! Guys have developed various methods, from the “I’m not staring, I just so happen to be doing lat raises directly behind you” to the “do you mind if I share/switch on and off with the machine your using?” This is neither sneaky nor discrete. Us ladies can see right through you. Simply put, do not stare at females with any judgment and/or sexual interest and wait your turn for the machine just as you do with the Timberland f*&$ boy. Once she’s done with her reps and is walking to another area of the gym, sure, flash a smile and a little eye contact, but please—don’t stare at her ass or initiate a conversation when she’s doing pulse squats, thank you.
If you absolutely need to talk to a lady at the gym because you think you just saw your one true love, my advice is simple. Catch her AFTER she’s finished her workout. Maybe hold the door for her (chivalry is not dead!) on her way out of the gym and then feel free to shoot your shot. No shooting your shot when she is red-faced, swassy, and gasping for air. She will say no.
4 Pretending to be in a Music Video
I mean… come on. Whether you’re blasting music on a speaker or mouthing lyrics while “hitting the woah,” you’re not cool. Music pumps me up too, but I can do it without pretending I’m Chris Brown.
5 Being Unhygienic
Farting. Burping. Sweating (HA—kidding, about the sweating thing.) In fact a little sweat is kind of sexy but the split second that sweat leaves your body and sticks to a machine, it’s no longer a turn on. No sweat angels on the mats either please. It’s very simple: wipe down your equipment, apply deodorant, and for the love of God, control your bodily functions.
6 Loudly Dropping Weights
Again, somewhere far yonder a male specimen lifted something heavy and wants the world to know. If you’re an Olympic weightlifter and dropping the weight is absolutely necessary, fine. But slamming the weights on the ground for attention and to feed your ego is not a valid reason.
7 Flexing in the mirror
Unless you’re a bodybuilder in a special posing room a week before your competition, please save this for your own bathroom mirror. Including mirror pics. Not much is less attractive than when you see a decent looking man walk into the gym… and then all of a sudden, he whips out his phone and starts flexing. NEVERMIND. BYE. You know you’re hot and now I think you’re annoying.
I understand that it’s GREAT to see progress and changes in your body, but maybe attempt a little nonchalance if you decide you want to throw some flexes in. Do as the wise Nelly once explained so elegantly “Checkin’ your reflection in front of your best friend, like, gurl I think my butt getting big!”
8 Skipping Leg Day
We have all seen the dude with huge-ass arms and stick thin legs, “Captain Upper-Body.” At least in our generation's day and age, a majority of men are aware that this is a stupid look. What I notice a lot of people doing though, is only working on their strengths. This includes men doing bicep curls over and over again to show off for the new lady who just walked in. Women definitely do this too (can you say squats?)—but this blog post is about men, so forget that.
When you consistently show off with certain movements you will develop some muscles that are significantly stronger. Because of this, you’re more likely to overcompensate during a lift, which may eventually lead to injury due to a shit ton of muscle imbalances. Showing off is fun, but I promise you that no one is paying that close attention to you and your weaknesses.
9 Mansplaining (giving unwarranted advice)
Before you rush over to correct someone's form, ask yourself a couple questions. Am I even qualified to give advice, and is this the right time and place to offer my expertise? Is the person about to seriously injure themselves if they continue to perform the movement incorrectly? If you are indeed a professional and the answer to all these questions are ‘yes’, then go ahead.
10 Men circle jerking each other to take videos of their lifts.
OR asking someone random to take videos of your lifts. We get it, you’re a *hashtag* influencer, but if you need to film just do it discreetly. Honestly, I can’t say I haven’t filmed a workout or two, but there’s no need to be in an obnoxious huddle with your bros disrupting others’ use of space and enjoyment.
(This message was not approved by Jochum Strength and Nuggets of the Days are still on - Austin )
About The Author:
I recently graduated from University of St. Thomas with a Bachelors degree in Public Health and a minor in Nutrition. As a NASM certified personal trainer and a group fitness instructor for almost 4 years, I strive to further my knowledge of the fitness world. I currently coach part-time HIIT training at ALTR Performance studio in North Loop and work as a full-time Community Associate at WeWork.