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I Hate Being Happy



I’m going to be honest, I have a lot of inner demons. I have a lot of hate and anger in me. I have voices in my head that keep me up at night. That make it hard to sleep. I hear repeatedly. “You aren’t good enough” “No one cares” And these are some of the nice things they tell me. Over and Over again. On Repeat. But it pushes me. It always has. Pushes me to become a better version of myself. Pushes me past limits that I didn’t think were possible. Pushes me to outwork those voices. To quiet them for just a bit. For a little bit of peace. I see these same demons in other people, everyone has them to a certain extent. Some people’s demons are louder than others. Some people portray their demons more openly. Some people hide them deep but allow them to take over. But rest assured, they are there. It’s what pushes great people to be great. It’s what allows people to push past what is “humanly possible” I hate being Happy, because it scares me.


What if those voices shut off? What if I turn into the suburban dad with the red BMW convertible who has settled in life? What if I let my dreams die with me? Would I be the same person? Would I be able to accomplish as much as I want to accomplish?


And then there’s the flip side.


What if I allow the inner demons to take over? What if all I feel is hate? What if all I hear is those voices? Will I ever be fulfilled or will I always be chasing those voices?


Those are all questions I dive into deeply; I write, read and think about them constantly. These questions are one of my biggest drivers to be a coach, leader and business owner. How can I help people answer these for themselves? Because I see the pain people have in their souls, I see those demons talking to them. I see them hiding and suppressing them. I see that they have no answer on what to do with them. And I didn’t either. I used* work, practice and other things in life to hide them, to get those voices to shut off for just a little bit. (And I use past tense even though its an everyday battle) I knew then that it wasn’t the answer, but I had no other outlet. If I worked, if I pushed, I was able to quiet them for just a bit. But they’d come ragging back and I’d allow them to take over. I knew it was happening, but I feared what would happen if it didn’t. I’d lose my edge I thought. So, I let it happen, I let them take over my life. All I heard and felt was hate. It consumed me

and was a vicious feedback cycle.


What Voice Do you Hear in your head and how is it working?


My goal is t